The subject of this post is to address one of James’s most bizarre claims regarding the link between chronic illness in women, and women who are abusers. This is just one of a few tweets he’s put out recently which were directly aimed at me, and also seem to be indicating that he’s having some sort of mental malfunction.
I am introverted. But James has decided that I’m not, and that in fact it is just a facade for covert narcissism and passive aggression. And that can be true, in some instances. It’s not for me to say whether or not I’m a covert narcissist, I don’t need to defend myself in that way, in all honesty. My being an introvert had some advantages for James, and it was one of the first aspects of my personality that he attacked, and it became a weapon of choice for him over the 14 months that we were together. If you read the blog regularly, you’ll have seen some or all of these screenshots already, and you can see how he challenges, rails against boundaries, then eventually turns it against me and weaponises it, by telling me that I’m passive aggressive.
In this instance, though, it’s not the introversion I want to address. It’s his ridiculous, and frankly ludicrous, claim, that the combination of introversion and fibromyalgia makes for the perfect abuser.
There is indeed a link between chronic illness in women and abuse. The link is that women who have sustained abuse are quite often diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, (or ME), or fibromyalgia, or another autoimmune issue, which has been brought on by the chronic stress of being in an abusive relationship. This study found a positive correlation between levels of stress and the likelihood of developing fibromyalgia. Extended release of cortisol – part of the fight or flight response which takes place in an abusive relationship, causes severe oxidative stress, it can result in physical issues, short and long term memory problems, inability for the body to handle inflammation, and general chronic fatigue.
For James to make this utterly unfounded claim regarding fibromyalgia is hugely insulting to people who suffer from this condition, and in actual fact – all he’s doing is showing positive causation between fibromyalgia and abuse, but not in the way he’d like – of course, the angle that James is attempting to work is by suggesting that I have a victim complex, as he has suggested in this post of the 6th of June. James has based this on nothing but the fact that he is trying to gaslight everyone and conduct a smear campaign painting me as a covert narcissist perpetrator of abuse, and as I also happened to be diagnosed with fibro, he’s using it to try and bolster his story. It has – quite literally –
no basis in fact, and just a cursory search of the internet will show the opposite – many women, as I’ve said, are prone to developing fibromyalgia or other similar diagnoses when subjected to sustained levels of abuse, and therefore stress. See the bottom of the article for a few sources. It’s also common for victims of abuse to suffer from depressive and suicidal episodes, and for that to continue after the abuse, as it has for me. He petitions professionals to ask male victims whether their abusive partners claimed any sort of illness – when in actual fact, GPs should be asking their patients, who are presenting with signs of chronic fatigue or fibro, or something similar, if they are dealing with stressful conditions, they should be taught that some abuse flies under the radar, and should be trained to look out for certain signs.
What James is actually describing in terms of a victim complex is actually himself, as he shows all the traits of a victimised narcissist. He is projecting, a classic narcissistic diversionary technique which mirrors the narcissist’s deep seated feelings of emptiness and insecurity onto the chosen victim, and also deflects away from what the abuser has actually done to their victim. Add to that a smattering of Munchausen Syndrome, and it suddenly paints quite a different picture of James and his habit of being a victim of pretty much everyone from his girlfriends, the government, all the way to Parcelforce, who he’s had to ‘fight’ on multiple occasions. Note too, in the correspondence included above, that he uses apparent leg pain or the consumption of opiate painkillers as a reason for ceasing a discussion or argument that he’s caused, so that he can maintain control over the situation, and leave the subject confused, hurt, and rejected – he also did this a lot with Adele. This kind of behaviour, and the victim complex, is also common in those with a personality disorder of some description.
Playing the victim card will result in some or all of the following:
- Deflects attention from what they have done
- Gains sympathy, care and compassion
- Has your full attention
- Makes you feel ‘responsible’ for them
- Becomes the victim – and forces you to now become the carer
- Has a ‘get out of responsibility’ card
These are some of the ways James will attract his chosen target, because empathic people are naturally caring, and will want to nurture and help someone who appears to be a victim, or in pain, or injured. And as I’ve said before, his assertions that he is a victim are an attempt to deflect from the fact that he’s the predatory abuser, and to gain attention in the form of sympathy. Something he used to pull quite frequently was a ‘little boy lost’ routine, pretending that he was upset, in pain, or hurt about something in order to manipulate my feelings. This is quite a typical routine amongst narcissists, one which is pretty easy to spot once you’ve been in the middle of it. James really doesn’t realise how typical he is.
Just to finish this post, here are a couple of other things James has tweeted recently during his meltdown – this first post – I really can’t fathom the logic behind this. Because there is none. I mean, I just can’t work out why he would even post this – he has no filter for his thoughts at all (and it’s yet another of his tweets which has received no reaction at all, as it’s utterly nonsensical). In his head he’s again trying to link my report to the police with his assumed status as a victim of abuse, but it’s such a clumsy and shoddy attempt, it just makes him look like he’s losing his marbles.
The second is this – his attempt to undermine any legitimacy to my claim that I’ve spoken to any of his other girlfriends. We’ve already seen a guest post by Adele. I’ve spoken to several other ex girlfriends going back about 10 years, but they wish not to be mentioned, nor do they wish to contribute, because they simply don’t wish to think about this odious man any further – they are happy, and have lives they wish to live without having to taint themselves further.
I look forward to further Trump style Twitter and Facebook meltdowns from James in the near future, and you can be sure that you’ll find out about it here. Til then, covfefe.