I laughed when I read this. Really laughed – a full on belly laugh which took me a few minutes to recover from. I laughed so hard I snorted.
Just in case he decides to take it down, or edit it, I screenshat it for posterity:
I’ll just dive right in – for over 2 years, people have been suggesting that James is bogus. Just to hammer that home – that’s quite a long time before I met him. So before I started to call him out on his bullshit – other people were already doing it! This company of his wasn’t even incorporated until January 2016, so “Founder and Director” Mr Barnett was just going round proclaiming that he ran a company up until that point. As for his ‘credentials’ – who in their right mind decides that a letter from the police – which he won’t even show in full – is proof that he’s an expert in his field? It proves nothing regarding his abilities to act as a domestic abuse adviser.
The resistance he speaks of in his article is indeed quite common, because he does not know what he is talking about when it comes to abuse. I will begrudgingly admit, he seems to be able to get services running in circles to get a result from them, but his assertions regarding his expertise in the field of abuse are, as I’ve said, founded on nothing but the bullshit he excretes on a daily basis. I’m a member of several groups that have been set up to discuss abuse, and 90% of those are women. And of those, I would say that the MAJORITY of those women have suffered the kind of abuse which he persistently insists is ‘female perpetrator weaponry’. Quite simply – no, it isn’t. It’s abuser weaponry, full stop – it is NOT gender specific. But if anyone dares to question him, he will shoot them down, and usually block them, because they’re much more capable of putting forward an eloquent and well informed response than he is, because all he has to fall back on is his solipsistic rhetoric. I’ve come across a large amount of women now, who are struggling with services, because their abusive partners have gaslit them – but how? James says this is female perpetrator weaponry, so it MUST be true!
Lets get to one of his next statements: “My company runs workshops……advises governments on domestic abuse policy…..gaslighting…..”. James has not been called upon to advise the government. What this actually means is that he wrote a letter to Michael Gove, who probably got his secretary to respond. He claimed to me that he had met with Mr Gove – he claimed that Mr Gove was ‘receptive’ to his ideas, but that his female assistant/secretary/nominal woman in the room at the time was derisive. Actually, that meeting didn’t happen – it didn’t happen when he was with me, and it didn’t happen before that when he was with Adele. Yet another massive porkie. Regarding gaslighting being more widely recognised – I absolutely whole heartedly support getting better training regarding this phenomenon to the police and relevant services – because if it WAS made illegal, James would have been jailed several times over, judging from the transcripts of his text and email conversations with me, and several of his previous girlfriends that I’ve had access to.
His next statement: ‘It has also been suggested by particularly bright stalkers and trolls that I personally use my company to prey on vulnerable women……….obvious problem with this assertion is that my firm mostly works with vulnerable male victims, so I suppose that would make me a homosexual predator’. He got some bits right here – he is a predator. This is his way of trying to twist the situation and deflect it away from him. He’s also right in suggesting that the people who are saying this about him are particularly bright. Some of us – and the number is growing – can see through him. No one is suggesting that he preys on men. No, he uses his position to convince women that he’s trustworthy, that he understands their pain, their trauma, and he forms a co-dependant bond with them. One of the reason people stay in abusive relationships is due to “Trauma bonding, a term developed by Patrick Carnes, is the misuse of fear, excitement, sexual feelings, and sexual physiology to entangle another person. Many primary aggressors tend toward extreme behavior and risk taking, and trauma bonding is a factor in their relationships” (Ref www.abuseandrelationships.org ). A further section from this website goes as follows:
“A Primary Aggressor is an adult or adolescent who gains power and control in a relationship by limiting the partners options on an ongoing basis through vigilance, coercion, non-cooperation and punishment, and maintains the limitation with the denial of abuse.
A primary aggressor is that person that is adding the constant pressure of control to the system. It is not necessarily the person acting the most obviously inappropriate or hurtful.
A primary aggressor usually seeks to avoid assaultive acts, especially acts that meet the legal definition of abuse, but will resort to them if they believe they are losing control. Though type and frequency of abusive acts are usually the visible clue to a primary aggressor, it is the conscious or unconscious dedication to control of a partner at all costs that really defines being a primary aggressor.
Though both men and women can be interested in power and control, in heterosexual relationships, men have more talent and interest in gaining power by actually limiting the partner’s options, and are overwhelmingly found to be the primary aggressor. Identifying a primary aggressor, through the legal system or otherwise, is not a moral judgment. Rather it is a risk assessment. Primary aggression, with perhaps men’s greater biological talent for violence, is what drives escalation and homicide.”
Lets go back to that bit: “men have more talent and interest in gaining power…”. Not women. Men. The author of this site works in the field of domestic abuse, and has done for many years. I think he’s probably more qualified to comment on this than James is.
I don’t need to talk any further about gaslighting, I’ve provided ample evidence of James’s gaslighting techniques in my previous blog posts. My past post – Narcissists and Abusers and Bears, Oh My! – has now been viewed over 300 times, and all of the messages I’ve received in connection with that post have been overwhelmingly positive, and not in James’s favour.
He followed his ‘proof of his credentials’ with this little dung nugget:
It’s not the content of the article he’s shared that’s important here. What’s important is his claim that lots of female perpetrators seem to have fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue and the like. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in October last year. So this is clearly a clumsy attempt at trying to tell everyone that I am, in fact, suffering with a victim complex and used a genuine illness as cover to be an abuser, and it’s a way for him to try and support his assertions that I was the abuser in the relationship. (Evidence of my abuse towards him has still not surfaced. I know he has a post-it note with what he claims is an admission of my guilt of alleged assault, but the post-it note was actually written for something entirely different – I pushed his hand out of the way to get a bowl out of the microwave – he was sat down at the kitchen table at the time – so there was no “shoving”, no pushing him bodily out of the way, just his hand, but of course, that post-it note is now “evidence” as far as he’s concerned – the reason that it was written is that he kept saying that I shouldn’t shove the hand of a disabled man out of the way when he was just trying to ‘help’, and I wrote a note of apology for an easy life, and to get him off my back).
Let’s just be clear – I have fibromyalgia, but it doesn’t stop me doing anything. I go to work every day, even when it’s sometimes hard to function. I’ve never used fibro to play the victim in any way shape or form. James, on the other hand, who is registered disabled, really does have unlimited energy for picking fights, creating negativity, and aggression, as I’ve detailed in my previous posts, but apparently is unable to hold down an actual job, so claims benefits – yet he’s been able to work 115 cases and play frisbee? This is also hugely insulting to the thousands of women who are diagnosed with chronic fatigue/ME or fibromyalgia, or similar, as a result of suffering abuse at the hands of predators like James. As a largely invisible illness it already goes unnoticed by many. So to follow his faulty logic to its conclusion – and to make one of his classic sweeping, all encompassing statements – this must obviously mean that all women who suffer with CFS or fibromyalgia are actually covert narcissists who are abusing their partners. Must be true, I run a company called BullShitters Ltd, I’m going to incorporate it in the year 2020 ¯_(ツ)_/¯
The person who posted this was on point with her critique of James’s information – it’s very one dimensional, and is really quite misogynistic. He claims that his company attracts a lot of ‘trolls’, but the only people who are against what he does are the ones who have, first hand, been on the receiving end of his abuse, or people who are actually in the industry, and know he’s spouting a lot of bullshit. He was so upset about the bad review, that he got his girlfriend to go and post a good one for him.
I really don’t care enough to poke holes in his attempt to argue with someone who is clearly more erudite than James. I will say this, however: James keeps referring to himself as ‘founder and director’, which is a clear case of self aggrandising. Added to that, he is trying to claim that he has people working for him – there aren’t. It’s just James, on his own, sat in a pair of dirty track suit bottoms with his laptop perched on his knees. This ‘admin’ he speaks of is him. He is the sole entity behind BSLtd. (BullShit Ltd).
The person posting asks James for his credentials – he does not respond. This isn’t the first time he’s been asked for his credentials, and each time he refuses to respond. To be clear – he has received NO TRAINING regarding how to do to the job he claims to do. He isn’t qualified to be a counsellor, and is in fact quite derisive of them, and any other service you care to mention. His version of working a case might mean that he speaks to someone JUST ONCE. He also claims he has had a client in Australia. That’s bullshit. Back when I thought he might actually know what he was talking about, I asked him to speak to my friend, who lives down under. They spoke via Skype, and emailed. My friend did not wish to speak to him again, as he felt that James was too busy pushing his own agenda, and telling my friend what to think, rather than spend time listening to him. So no, he hasn’t successfully worked a case in Australia, and in fact the things that James claimed would happen, things he said he would stake his reputation on, did not even come close to happening. The poster also seems to be quite switched on regarding the fact that this post is indeed personal – James just can’t stop taking pot shots at me – you’d think, with his massive caseload, that he’d have better things to do with his time?
Seriously – fuck you James, fuck you and the horse you rode in on.