There is really good information and tips in the link below regarding love bombing – the initial strategy a narcissist will use to lure their victim – and some of the other red flags to look out for.
My ex narcissist told me he loved me before we even met. He even went as far as to say that he knew it just from reading my dating profile. I mean, come on, really? I could kick myself now for falling for it. But, like many narcissists, mine was a pretty good actor, he could even turn on the waterworks if it suited him – because he was convincing, and because I believed his bullshit sob story of lifelong abuse, and because, well, I just wanted someone to love, I fell for it, like a complete plum.
I’m not the only person he did this to – his other ex girlfriends all say the same – they felt cornered and railroaded and bullied, and felt like they had to say it back to him, even though the words felt like poison on the tongue.
The other thing they do is force the relationship on very quickly, especially to the physical side of things. Another mistake. I’m not saying that it’s wrong to do this in every instance, but when taken in addition to millions of other red flags, then you have yourself a problem, and it means you should run away as quickly as you can, and cut all contact!
They will also bombard you with messages. They’ll text you. They’ll email you. They’ll tweet you. They’ll call you even when you’ve told them you aren’t available, to push the boundary and see if they can get you to answer the phone. If you become friends with them on Facebook, they’ll leave comments on your page and your photos, some of which will verge on the side of being overly suggestive and personal and will make you feel uncomfortable (yeah, he did this too, to me and to his other exes!). They’ll say they want to spend as much time with you or talking to you as possible, to the point where you struggle to have a normal life outside of being badgered incessantly. And they like to create drama. Mine had me sobbing my heart out before I even met him – and he couched it all in “but I’m trying to help you baby”, and “I just see the world very differently than other people do” or, “I think about things differently”. “You’re so reserved, it would be healthier if you relaxed a bit, or were less uptight.
At the risk of feeling slight shame and embarrassment, below I’ve included an example of a discussion between he and I, where he challenges my need for time alone. I’d actually welcome any comments any of you might have on regarding the exchange, as sometimes I still look back at it and think I’ve gone fucking bonkers. Was I being unreasonable? See, this is how they get into your head. They gaslight every part of your life and invert it, so that eventually you don’t even recognise who you are anymore.
Note the use of casual name-calling – something introduced early on, seems innocuous enough, but it becomes something far more insidious over time.
Anyway, that’s enough for today, I hadn’t even intended to write this – yet again I’ve waffled on, I only wanted to post a link, but it always turns into something a bit more than that! Time to enjoy some sunshine before the usual bank holiday rain sets in 😉