….is one of the best descriptions of the type of relationship I was in that I think I’ve ever seen. It is so hard to explain to people what happened, to rationalise it because you feel like you’re going fucking insane. But I’ve now spoken to so many other women and men who have been through exactly the same.

The length that the narcissist will go to in order to create a ‘victim’ persona is quite impressive, in a pathetic, attention seeking kind of way. Malignant narcissists will often say that they’ve been abused multiple times because by playing the victim it allows them to discredit the person who is ACTUALLY the victim.

I could give specific examples of almost every point that has made in the link above, and back up every single one of them with evidence. My ex, who likes to spout on incessantly about the fact that he’s a ‘victim’, and how he’s been abused, and how he’s now a domestic abuse adviser (yawn), has no evidence to show that I abused him in any way. I’ve spoken to several to his ex-girlfriends, (the number of his exes that I’ve spoken to is growing, they’re all too willing to assure me that I am, in fact, not completely stark raving mad, and all agree that they thought he was fairly repulsive upon meeting him for the first time, but he’d spun an effective sob story that our empathic natures bought into, all of which was utter bollocks, as he tells slightly different stories each time. Yeah, we all corroborated), we’ve all suffered in similar ways because of him, some worse than others. No doubt my ex will read this and start bleating on about gaslighting, false allegations, escalation, self-styled, blah blah blah (yeah, I know you read this, you’re still subscribed). But honestly, it’s getting a bit tired now. He clearly didn’t read the fable about the boy who cried wolf. How can someone be such an expert in DV yet keep ending up with ‘psychos’? Perhaps he likes living dangerously. Or perhaps, as I’ve said before, his “company” is a farce and he’s a charlatan, attempting to hide his deep sense of emptiness, worthlessness and lack of empathy behind something that makes a mockery of the meaningful work that others are doing in the same field. (Yes, I know I’ve said all that before, but it bears repeating).

Anyway, I’m tired. I really only wanted to share the link, but it turned into a bit more than that.

Check out the link. This sort of abuse happens more often than you know. Be aware, be on guard. And don’t take any self-styled domestic abuse advisers who have no qualifications, but wants to exploit your vulnerability and pressure you into having his special counselling at a rate of £50 an hour. If you’re in need of real advice contact Women’s Aid or the Mankind project, or if you think you’re in danger, call the police.

PS – writing a blog isn’t escalating. It isn’t threatening. It isn’t about power and control. It’s writing about my experiences, the experiences of others, to make sense of it all. And stop saying that you escaped, we all know that’s a lie.


Author: Tracy

Streaky bacon for the soul. Comforting, sometimes salty. Arty. Obtuse. Taker of photographs. Contradictory.

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