Is my bum too big?

It’s been a while since I’ve felt the need to spew any of my feelings into a blog post. I recently re-read my last soliloquy, and realised that was the direction I would like to take my little blog in, so I’ve deleted the other posts – they were all a load of bollocks, anyway.

As an introvert, I find it hard to talk to anyone about how I feel or what I’m going through. But, apparently, I find it quite easy to write about, and to hit “publish” on a site that millions of people could, in theory, access if they so wished. Go figure?  (No-one is likely to read this blog; I don’t care, I’m writing it anyway)

I’ve spent most of the time since my last post being thoroughly lazy – If it were not for my job, and my dog – both of which force me to face the day, despite any misgivings I may feel about interacting with anyone – I think I’d have become a Netflix guzzling, book addicted, red wine swilling hermit capable of only rudimentary and strictly necessary interactions with the rest of the general populace. These interactions are often designed purely to obtain fermented grape juice, with an occasional side of cheese. They are conducted with headphones wedged firmly in ears, and eyes averted from anyone’s gaze, in order to dissuade anyone from attempting to engage with me in any way. I barely even speak to my own family, with whom I share my abode.

Despite my reticence to socialise too often, last year I found myself wading through the social ineptitude of a few dating websites, feeling it was time to “put on my game face”, so to speak. Being so prone to introversion, internet dating is a useful tool, as it negates the requirement for me to coerce a friend into leaving their partner and child for a night to be my wing-woman, to help me trawl the bars of Northampton for a date. And, as a lot of the nice guys seem to already be taken, I feel that my immediate options are restricted to shallow, chest beating, selfie stick wielding, mono-brow sporting, Grey Goose swilling, snow boarding, sedated tiger stroking popinjays and displayers of insipid abdominals –  all of whom bear a striking resemblance to each other’s aunties. And let us not discuss their habit of using a bank of urinals as a backdrop whilst taking a selfie. Stay classy!

I went on a total of 1 date last year – I was definitely not ready, after the termination of my last relationship, to jump into anything so soon.  I had already decided that I would benefit from spending at least a year without any type of romantical connection.  So, instead of taking on-line dating seriously, I decided to view it as a way to chat to what I hoped would be  a few like minded people. Unfortunately, I did not find a single person who was even remotely like me. Cue a maelstrom of feelings revolving around social incompetence and self esteem issues. Am I that odd, introverted and different, that I’m basically incompatible with every other humanoid of the male variety out there? Am I too fussy? Is my inability to engage in small-talk holding me back?

Is my bum too big??


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